Have To / Want To : A Jayme Story

See The Jayme Stories : Don't Rant/Found God --
See Transformations : Have To/Want To
See Transformation : Needing You/Wanting You

HAVE TO / WANT TO
CHAPTER 1
I completed the Landmark Forum on Tuesday evening, July 14, 2009. Jayme couldn't attend my graduation because he had many commitments that were important to him. I let him know, this was something that was important to me, but he stood firm. He knew what he wanted to do. He knew what commitments were important to him at that time. He's always respected my decisions. I've missed many birthday celebrations, many holidays. I'd have missed his high school graduation if it wasn't for my friends at OUBOCES.

Jayme went in for oral surgery the following day, Wednesday, July 15, 2009. We were discussing our plans for the weekend. Jayme had been preparing to attend a weeklong retreat. We celebrated his birthday out on the veranda on July 16th. Max and Yuichi were there. On Friday, July 17, Jayme and I visited Dr. Gil in Rocky Point. Jayme needed the doctor to complete a form for the camp he was going to attend. Coincidentally, Dr. Gil had been completing many of these forms for other kids in the area. Jayme was in a discussion with the doctor about how many of the kids in his group actually come from that area. The area in which Dr. Gil has his practice. Jayme'd been attending meetings with this particular church group up on the North Shore because his girlfriend lives on the North Shore.


CHAPTER 2
"Should I go mom? I really don't want to go, now. Maybe I should go with you instead."

"It's up to you Jayme. Just because you paid the money and you made a commitment, doesn't mean you have to go. You can always change your mind. You don't even have to give an excuse. Your face is hurting. Your extraction may be getting infected. That could be your excuse. Do what you want to do."

When Jayme realized he didn't HAVE TO go, he decided he WANTED to go.
When I realized I didn't Need you, I decided I wanted you!

A phone call about a week later:

"We're on our way home now. Mom, I had the best experience of my entire life. Something happened to me this week mom. It's all good, don't worry. I will tell you all about it when I get home. I don't want you to judge me, mom. I'll tell you all about it when I get home."

Soon after Jayme arrived home, he waited for a private moment and then, he waited until he had my complete undivided attention.

"Mom, I have something to tell you. Please don't go into a rant. I don't want you to go into one of your rants, not now, please. I have something really important to tell you. It's really important to me. Something really important happened to me this week. Please, don't go into a rant about it. This is really important to me, mom."

Silently, I make a promise to myself. All the while thinking, he's decided to have a baby. I'll accept whatever he tells me. We'll simply deal with it.

"Mom . . .," he readies the bomb . . .


"I found God."